Sometimes the caregiver needs some help, too.

Reviewed by Dietitian Jessica Ball, M.S., RD

Key Points

• Caregivers need specific, actionable offers of help, like meal prep or running errands, not vague gestures.


• Eating regularly and staying hydrated are essential for caregivers to maintain their health and energy.


• Small breaks with trusted help allow caregivers to rest and recharge, supporting their well-being.

Caring for someone you love who has Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia can become an all-consuming job. Appointments, meals, medications and everyday decisions pile up, while there’s also the emotional toll of adjusting to a relationship that may look and feel very different as the disease progresses.

Years ago, while spending time with my own mother in hospice, I experienced firsthand how easy it is for a caregiver’s own needs to slip further down the list. That’s when the distinction between selfish and self-interest becomes important. Selfish is when you’re the only person on your list. Self-interest means your needs have a place on that list, too.

Katie Dodd, M.S., RDN, CSG, LD, FANDsees that challenge often. “Caregivers are often so focused on the care they provide others they may skip their own self-care.” The most meaningful support, then, isn’t simply reminding caregivers to take care of themselves. It’s helping make that possible.

1. Take Things Off Their Plate

Food may seem like a small piece of caregiving, but deciding what to eat, shopping for groceries, preparing meals and cleaning up afterward can become one more job in an already packed day.

A small mixed-methods study of family caregivers of people with dementia found that caregiving could influence their own eating habits. In interviews, caregivers described time constraints, emotional stress and competing priorities as factors that affected what and how they ate.

So rather than saying, “Let me know if I can bring you something,” make your offer specific. Dodd recommends asking first instead of assuming you know what someone needs. “Start by asking the caregiver what would help the most. Buying groceries they might not prefer (or know how to cook with) might be more of a burden than a help. Ask and if they aren’t sure, give some ideas.”

That could mean offering to pick up a few basics they already use, such as milk, eggs or cheese, delivering dinner, stocking the refrigerator with familiar foods or sending a meal from their favorite restaurant.

For older caregivers, Dodd also points to protein for maintaining muscle and strength, along with calcium and vitamin D for bone health. Easy options that don’t require much preparation can help, such as peanut butter with fruit or other protein-rich grab-and-go foods.

Caregivers may need the same reminder they give the person they’re caring for: Eating regularly matters. As Dodd says, “Your nutrition matters, too.”

2. Offer Something Specific

When much of your day is spent anticipating someone else’s needs, figuring out what you need can become surprisingly difficult. That’s one reason an open-ended “Call me if you need anything” may not be as helpful as it sounds. A caregiver now has to identify a task, decide whether it’s appropriate to ask for help and then actually ask.

Instead, offer something concrete:

• “I’m driving past the pharmacy. Do you need me to pick anything up?”


• “I have an hour free this afternoon. Can I run an errand for you?”


• “I can walk the dog or take care of the laundry. Which would help more?”

Justine Violet MeyerM.P.H., RDN, LD, CD, tells us, “Generic offers like ‘Let me know if you need anything’ can feel more like an emergency button than day-to-day help. Caregivers may hesitate to ask for smaller favors, even though those supports can make a meaningful difference.” Instead, Meyer recommends being specific: “Say exactly what you can do and when you can do it. A concrete offer makes the support easier to accept and shows the caregiver you mean it.”

There’s another side to this, too: Caregivers have to give themselves permission to say yes. Accepting help doesn’t mean they’re doing less for the person they love. It may be what allows them to keep showing up without completely depleting themselves.

3. Help Them Protect Their Own Health

Telling an exhausted caregiver to “take care of yourself” can sound like one more item to add to their burden. A more useful approach is helping them find small ways to protect their health within the day they’re already living.

Make hydration a priority. Even mild dehydration can contribute to fatigue, headaches and difficulty concentrating, all things a caregiver can do without when they’re already stretched thin. “When you provide water to the person you are caring for, don’t forget to have a glass yourself. Or better yet, have a water bottle with you to ensure you meet your daily fluid needs,” says Dodd.

Mealtime can do double duty. A simple strategy is to eat together when possible. Dodd says, “If you are able to, eat meals with the person you are caring for.” Sharing a meal may benefit the person receiving care while also making it less likely the caregiver will skip eating.

Sleep affects more than energy levels. Too little sleep can take a toll physically and emotionally, affecting mood, concentration, immune function and the ability to cope with stress and sleep problems are common among informal caregivers of people with dementia. Friends or family members who can safely step in may be able to create a genuine window for rest rather than simply telling an exhausted caregiver to get more sleep.

Dodd says that kind of break can make a meaningful difference. “In a perfect world, I’d love for all caregivers to have time off with qualified help they can trust to care for their loved ones. A complete break, even for a few hours, can go a long way,” Dodd says.

Although it might be tempting to make suggestions, don’t dictate what they should do with that time. Rest and restoration look different for everyone.

Meyer tells us that even a small window of time can be meaningful: “Just giving them an hour or two to attend a medical appointment for themselves or a caregiver support group or doing something restorative for themselves can make a meaningful difference,” Meyer says.

4. Help Them Stay Connected to Life Outside Caregiving

Dementia can gradually shrink a caregiver’s world. Plans may become harder to uphold, and conversations can increasingly revolve around the person they’re caring for. Make space for the person behind the caregiver role. Ask how they are doing. Talk about things that have nothing to do with dementia. Let them be a friend, spouse, sibling or neighbor for a little while instead of only a caregiver.

Research suggests this isolation is common. A 2024 systematic review and meta-analysis including more than 11,000 informal dementia caregivers found that about half experienced loneliness and more than one-third experienced social isolation.

“Caregiving can be lonely, especially when the person they once confided in is now the person they are caring for,” Meyer points out. “You do not need to have all the solutions. Empathy, understanding and encouragement can provide real emotional relief for caregivers.”

It’s also important to notice when friendship and practical help may not be enough. Persistent exhaustion, withdrawal, anxiety, depression or feeling unable to cope may signal that additional support is needed. Caregiver interventions may be warranted, including respite careindividual support, group programs and therapy can help reduce caregiver burden, although the magnitude of benefit varies.

Meyer suggests watching for signs that the caregiver is becoming overextended before they reach a breaking point. “Physical warning signs may include weight loss from poor nutrition, noticeable fatigue from lack of sleep, or worsening health because they are neglecting their own medical needs.” She adds, “Emotional signs may include mood changes, increased irritability or reduced social connection.”

Helping someone locate that support can itself be a form of caregiving. Rather than saying, “You should find a support group,” offer to investigate what’s available or make the first phone call with them.

Meyer recommends the Alzheimer’s Association as one place to find caregiver support groups and says Area Agencies on Aging can help connect families with respite caresupport groups and other community services. Meyer also points caregivers to the American Medical Association’s Caregiver Self-Assessment Questionnaire, which can help identify signs that professional guidance may be needed.

Our Expert Take

When someone you love becomes a caregiver, it’s natural for most of the attention to fall on the person with dementia. But there’s another person in the room whose health and well-being matter, too.

Support doesn’t have to come in the form of a grand gesture. Even bringing dinner, picking up groceries, walking a pet or doing laundry can bring relief to their day. Help make it easier for them to eat regularly and stay hydrated. Give them a few hours when they don’t have to be responsible for someone else. Call and talk about something completely un to dementia.

Most of all, don’t just tell caregivers they should take better care of themselves. Help create the conditions that make it possible. Caregiving doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs. Sometimes the caregiver needs to become the care-getter.